From Model Student to Home Havoc: Understanding After School Burnout

If your child transforms from a model student at school to an emotional whirlwind at home, you're not alone. Many families experience this puzzling shift, often referred to as After school burnout or restraint collapse. While it can be exhausting and overwhelming for parents, it's important to remember that this behaviour does not reflect poor parenting. Instead, it's a natural response to the stresses children face, particularly those with additional needs such as Autism, ADHD, or Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD).

By understanding the causes and effects of restraint collapse, parents can approach these challenging moments with empathy and provide the support their child needs. Together, we'll explore why this happens, identify its signs, and discuss strategies to help your child feel safe and supported at home.

What is Restraint Collapse?

Restraint collapse occurs when a child's emotional and sensory energy, which they've worked hard to manage throughout the day, suddenly spills over in the safety of their home environment. For children with ADHD, Autism, or SPD, their heightened sensitivity to external stimuli and the effort required to conform to societal or school expectations can make these emotion spills even more intense.

While at school, children may mask their emotions to meet rules or social norms. This "masking" process can be exhausting and emotionally draining. When they return to a safe and familiar space like home, their guard comes down, and pent-up emotions emerge. Understanding restraint collapse as a sign of trust—that your child feels safe to express their feelings at home—can help frame these moments with empathy.

Signs and Symptoms of Restraint Collapse

Recognising the signs of restraint collapse can help you respond more effectively. These signs include:

• Emotional Outbursts: Sudden crying, yelling, or tantrums that seem disproportionate to the situation.

• Physical Activity: Hyperactive behaviours like running, jumping, or throwing things.

• Changes in Communication: Becoming withdrawn or overly talkative, struggling to articulate emotions.

• Physical Complaints: Complaints of stomachaches, headaches, or fatigue can indicate emotional distress.

• Sensory Sensitivity: Avoidance of touch, loud noises, or bright lights, which may feel overwhelming after a long day.

Each child experiences restraint collapse differently, and understanding their unique behaviours is essential to providing the best support.

What Causes Restraint Collapse?

Restraint collapse often stems from a combination of emotional, sensory, and environmental factors, including:

• School Stress: The need to follow the rules, focus intently, and manage social interactions.

• Sensory Overload: Crowded classrooms, loud noises, and visual clutter can overwhelm children, particularly those with SPD or Autism.

• Emotional Fatigue: Suppressing emotions to meet expectations leads to exhaustion by the end of the day.

• Differences Between Environments: The contrast between structured school settings and relaxed home environments can trigger emotional release.

Children with additional needs are particularly vulnerable, as their sensory and emotional systems are often more sensitive to external stressors.

The Impact on Families

Restraint collapse doesn't just affect the child; it impacts the entire family. Parents may feel helpless or frustrated, while siblings can become confused or anxious about navigating their brother's or sister's emotional outbursts. These moments are challenging, but they also present an opportunity to foster understanding and connection within the family.

It's important to remember that restraint collapse does not reflect poor parenting. Children are not choosing to behave this way—they are expressing feelings they may not yet know how to regulate.

Strategies for Managing Restraint Collapse

Supporting a child through restraint collapse involves creating a nurturing environment and equipping them with tools to process their emotions:

1. Establish a Consistent Routine: Predictability helps reduce stress and prepares children for transitions.

2. Allow them time to decompress: Part of the routine could include time to do something they enjoy, allowing them the chance to unwind. 

3. Create a Calm Space: Offer a quiet area with sensory tools like weighted blankets or fidget toys.

4. Validate Their Feelings: Use phrases like, "I see that you've had a tough day," to show understanding and empathy.

5. Encourage Emotional Expression: Provide outlets like drawing, talking, or writing to help children process their emotions.

6. Incorporate Movement: Physical activity can help release pent-up energy.

When to Seek Professional Help

If restraint collapse becomes frequent or significantly disrupts your child's daily life, consider seeking support from professionals such as occupational therapists, counsellors, or paediatricians. These experts can provide strategies tailored to your child's needs and help the entire family navigate these challenges more effectively.

Supporting Families Through Understanding

Restraint collapse can feel overwhelming, but it's important to remember that it's a natural response to the demands of a child's day. Families can create a home environment that fosters growth, understanding, and connection through empathy and equipping children with emotional regulation tools.

Remember, you are not alone, and there is no fault in what your child is experiencing. With patience, support, and the right strategies, you can help your child navigate these challenges while strengthening your bond as a family.

References: Roberts Academy at Mercer University | BBC | CHADD